Morning Tea
by Mazmaraz
Summary: A moment in the office. Heero, Duo and some really terrible biscuits.
1. A biscuit

Title: Morning Tea 

Summary: A moment in the office. Heero, Duo and some really terrible biscuits.

Disclaimer: Don't own GW.

* * *

I was in the middle of writing up my progress report for the Nenwai mission when Maria wandered into the room and dumped a mug of tea on my desk. She informed me Relena had sent yet another cartridge of ammunition (homemade biscuits), that I would have a visitor in approximately 4.5 minutes and that she was skipping physics tuition in favor of 'chemistry' for tonight only...if I was willing.

This was her fourth tonight only offer so I assumed the proposal was valid until utilized ? very unfortunate ? or until someone informed her that I wasn't quite available. I would have to find some way to point her in a better direction.

I thanked her for the tea and turned back to my report, ignoring her exasperated sigh as she headed out the door.

My visitor turned out to be a suitable test subject slash disposal unit for the Relena creations so I offered him one as he took possession of my second office chair and wheeled himself around to the window. He leant over and dunked the bikky in my tea before attempting to take a bite and stared down at the park below with a sad expression occupying his features.

Sometimes I imagine strange things to do with Duo. Like instead of coming in here and being silent when he's upset, I think of Duo coming to me, telling me something's wrong. I imagine him looping his arms around my waist and burying his face in my shoulder. I imagine his rope of hair brushing against my hands and his warm back beneath my fingers. I imagine Duo falling asleep in my arms, waking up with him and knowing why he's sad. But Duo doesn't tell people his problems. He doesn't reach out and request anyone's presence.

He just sits here as I silently support him and feed him weird looking biscuits made by dear old darling Relena. He tries, for some very odd reason, really hard to eat them. I only offer them because he does. There's an amazing array of expressions that pass over his face when he discovers they're just too difficult to consume. He apologises and soaks it in my tea some more but usually he ends up dumping the whole soggy mess in the bin when he thinks that I'm not looking.

I laugh at him in my mind because I'm afraid he'll get offended. I'm sure he'd find the funny side if I deigned to point it out. Maybe he'd like a good joke. Even if it is only one of mine. He's beautiful when he laughs.

Today he drinks my bikky contaminated tea. I'm not sure, and it's difficult to tell, but I think there are tears beneath his closed eyes. I don't want to see my Duo cry. It makes me sad enough to see him quiet. But there's nothing I can do, really. He's never told me what the problem is.

I roll my chair closer and watch him closely as he carefully sips my tea. His eyes flicker open slightly and he gives me a small smile. It barely lifts the corner of his mouth, but it's genuine. It makes his eyes crinkle. I don't think I could bare it if he began hiding from me completely.

He eventually get's up and grabs a handful of biscuits, apparently back to his usual self. I don't understand why he's happier when he passes me back my tea. Nor why he deems it important to tell me so. With a quick wave and a chuckle he flits out the door and I hear him offering biscuits to Maria before tearing off down the hallway. She'll no doubt give them back to me later along with another cup of tea. I vaguely wonder what Duo does with the rest of the bikkies he takes but my thoughts drift to other things and I force myself to concentrate on my mission statement. It would be a shame to ruin his happy mood by not turning up for lunch.

* * *

I'm clearing out my fanfiction folder. 


	2. A couple more

Title: Morning Tea

Summary: A moment in the office. Heero, Duo and some really terrible bisuits.

Disclaimer: Don't own GW.

* * *

He's back again, twirling himself around in the office chair and gnawing on one of yesterdays biscuits. He seems more distracted than sad today, he keeps staring out the window as if he expects something to leap through it any second. I suppose it's preferable, since I don't like Duo being sad, but it'd obviously be an improvement if he decided to be happy instead.

It's strange that he's dropped by two days in a row. Normally it's not more than twice a week since we usually have lunch together. I'd suspect he had something to tell me except that he's not giving any kind of indication that he wants to talk. He's just sitting there in his own little world, revolving.

I watch him out the corner of my eye as I calculate provisions for my field mission next week. It's not more than a minute or two before I see him glance in my direction, then glance to the bin and back to me. The biscuit is obviously not agreeing with him anymore or he's now awake enough to take notice of his tastebud's. No doubt they're telling him he's not tasting much at all since I'm sure Relena forgot to put sugar in this batch. If she did, it clearly wasn't enough. Maybe she was making them healthier or something.

I made a show of looking through my desk draw for something giving Duo ample time to dispose of it before I turned back around. When I did, he'd rolled his chair up next to mine so he can take a look at my computer. I let him flick through the screens I had open and watch him add to the food supplies.

He grinned at me and poked me in the ribs, indicating that I'm already too skinny. I'm tempted to poke him back but it'd probably make him leap out of his chair. I liked where he was at the moment; very nearly pressed up against my shoulder. His knee bumps into mine every now and again as well. It's comforting to have him so close.

He spent a few minutes breaking my Tetris record while I organised the remainder of my Nenwai mission papers for filing, but sooner than I'd like he was up and out of my office again, taking a couple more of Relena's biscuits.

I sat there wondering about Duo and whatever problems he could be having until Maria brought me another cup of tea, then I stacked my folders on the corner of my desk and went back to my mission plan.

By the time I'd finished, it was well into my lunch hour so I packed up my desk and went to find Duo. He was sitting at a table in the cafeteria with a harried looking Trowa and a rather perplexed Quatre who seemed to be trying to convince him of something. Duo looked incredibly relieved when he saw me across the room.

The lunch lady, Amelie, made my sandwich as per usual, and I wove my way between the tables as quickly as possible in order to save Duo from whatever argument Trowa and Quatre were inflicting upon him. The tail end of the conversation didn't give me any clue as to what they were arguing about but it can't have been pleasant as Quatre was looking downright cranky when I sat down and Trowa was glaring at the wall. I glanced at Duo trying to get some kind of reading on what was going on but as soon as I looked his way Duo started talking about Hilde's new cat so whatever it was obviously didn't involve me.

Quatre left when Wu Fei showed up and Trowa went back to his office soon after. When Sally came and dragged Wu Fei away again I had a little time with Duo, but he left to go and find Quatre before our lunch hour was finished.

I sat there at the table for a while pretending he'd come back. Duo never used to leave me alone but he seems to do it all the time now. It's hard to watch him walk away. Once he's gone, he's gone. It used to be that I could never get rid of him, now he no longer even turns around to wave.

* * *

Nougat, I believe this is your fault. 


	3. Are these meant to be burnt?

Title: Morning Tea 

Summary: A moment in the office. Heero, Duo and some really terrible bisuits.

Disclaimer: Don't own GW.

* * *

Relena was in my kitchen making tea when Duo arrived. I hadn't been expecting him to given the way he'd been avoiding me recently, but he seemed to deem it necessary that he see me off on my mission. It was the first time either of us had been assigned an away mission since we'd stopped living together and I guess it was nice that he'd decided I shouldn't up and leave without knowing I had someone to come back to.

He flopped down beside me and buried himself in the couch cushions, making a contented little humming noise that sent shivers up my spine.

"I missed sitting on this couch," he groaned softly. I allowed myself a small smile. I missed him sitting on this couch as well. I missed lot's of things that had happened on this couch.

I watched Duo out of the corner of my eye as he settled down and relaxed. I felt the urge to shuffle closer to him; to roll over and drape myself across him. I could almost imagine the heat radiating through his skin, his arm draped across my back, the firmness of his chest against mine. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't let him see me want that. And the vague warmth of his thigh against my knee was enough to make me content.

He smiled at Relena when she came out with the tea and I cringed slightly when I noticed that she'd brought a plateful of homemade chocolate biscuits. Nothing tastes worse than cocoa without sugar. It was quite possibly the worst kind of biscuit she could chose to make. I don't believe she's ever tried to eat anything she's ever baked otherwise she would surely have to have noticed how truly horrible the blasted things were. Every time I offer her one though, she declines and says they're for me. Thankfully I have Duo to foist them off onto and he manages to pack them away quite decently.

Polite discussion of current politics filled in the evening and as soon as Relena finished her tea she called her bodyguard, Ray, from the other room. She kissed me on the cheek and gave Duo a short hug and Ray tucked his paperback into his jacket pocket before nodding to us as they both exited the apartment.

I watched Duo as he picked up the dishes and carried them back to the kitchen. He grinned at me as he filled the sink and dunked everything into the water. He always liked to do the washing up for some reason. I think he likes playing in the water.

Strange urges began flooding my body again and I resisted the desire to be standing very close to him. Murmuring something about a shower I ducked off down the hallway and hid myself in the bathroom. I turned the water on to block the sound out and spent some time just sitting on the toilet thinking before I stripped off my clothes and actually got in.

It was hard knowing I wanted things yet being unable to find the way to get them. There was something I was missing; something I didn't understand. It had a meaning and consequences that I wasn't sure I could deal with. But I would try; I'd want to deal with it. If it meant that I could have what I thought I wanted then it was worth the grief it would probably cause me.

I spent a long time in the shower before exiting the bathroom to face Duo again. By that time he was apparently ready for bed and was wandering around the my bedroom bare-chested. I noticed him run a hand over his stomach somewhat self-consciously when he noticed me and I noted the new scar there that he was obviously trying to hide. He scratched at it and asked to borrow a shirt, smiling ruefully when I reached into my cupboard to grab one. I chucked the first one I picked up at him and he quickly pulled it on before slipping out the door and padding quietly back down the hall. I stood there listening to him settle on the lounge. It took him barely a minute to get to sleep.


	4. Black

Title: Morning Tea 

Summary: A moment in the office. Heero, Duo and some really terrible bisuits.

Disclaimer: Don't own GW.

* * *

It's a funny thing; trusting someone. I'm not very good at it and I've never trusted a person so much as to tell them everything I think I want to. I don't like to appear vulnerable, it's something I feel I shouldn't be. But sometimes, for some people, I want to be able to know that if I did happen to feel insecure, I could run to them and everything would be ok.

I sometimes think I've placed too much trust in Duo already. There's a lot of things I keep from him that I want him to know but am...wary of telling him. What if it's not the kind of thing he wants to hear? I could try to rely on him only to find that he doesn't have any desire to be relied upon. It could be unneeded pressure. He could tell me to back off. He could tell other people I'm tiresome to deal with because I dump everything on him.

He could get sick of being around me or scared off because I wasn't what he wanted. There were just so many things that he mightn't like and if Duo doesn't like something or finds himself in an uncomfortable situation, he doesn't stick around to figure it out; he runs as far and as fast as he can and hides himself away.

I'm lying in bed wondering why Duo's here tonight. He said it was to drive me to the airport tomorrow - which is plausible as I have to be there at four in the morning - but why is he here now when he's spent so much time avoiding me recently?

I'd thought, maybe, with the way he'd been acting, that he'd already started running. But he was here now and he said he was going to be here when I got back. So that kind of implied that he wasn't intending to go anywhere anytime soon. Unless he was planning on leaving as soon as he saw me safely returned.

He was packing extra things into my duffel bag when I wandered out of my room the following morning. Food and snacks mostly, but I'd seen a jumper go in, spare shoes and a second pair of trousers. I'd done it all yesterday afternoon before Relena arrived for dinner but Duo had gotten up early this morning and decided to redo it all for me. I wasn't quite sure why, it seemed a strange thing for him to do. It wasn't like it was going to matter to him whether I went slightly hungry or ended up just a bit cold. I shrugged it off though, he was causing no harm. I'd carry the extra weight around later just to see him smile right now.

He'd obviously been up for a good while by the time I'd bothered to get up. He'd cooked me savory Chinese porridge for breakfast and that takes at least an hour if not longer. He doled it out of the pot into bowls while I went to get dressed, then we sat across from each other at my little kitchen table, quietly eating in the grey morning light.

I loved this hour of the day, everything is always so still and solid. It's like the world is holding it's breath in anticipation of sun saying good morning. It feels a little strange to be sharing it with Duo again. To have someone else making sound in a world that's been silent for so long. I can't help but watch him instead of staring out the window like I usually do. Trying to memorize the way he moves; the way his limbs fold; the way his body shifts.

He seems inordinately pleased with himself as he scrapes the remainder of his meal out of his bowl, licks both sides of his spoon and drops it back on the table with a clatter. He looks at my plate expectantly and I contemplate finding those biscuits Relena brought out last night in order to save my share of the meal. I can just imagine the look of consternation that'd cross his face if I offered him one of those. It'd serve him right though, eying my breakfast like that, if he was going to cook me food he could at least have the decency to let me eat it.

He makes my chest ache with the strange little things he does. Right now, right at this very moment, his expression makes me want to lean across the table and kiss him. I can practically feel the contact between us; the urge is so strong it's like thunder through my veins. I can hear nothing but the roar of nonexistent wind; a beating, pounding swell of sound that breaks; snaps; the silence ends in ringing. I want him to always be here. I want to see each moment and store each smile. Touch every frown; hold every broken memory. But I'm not whole with or without him. When he's gone I can't find myself; whenever I see him I fall apart. He never touches me anymore and every almost contact pierces my soul.

Why is Duo gone? How is it, that when he is inches away, he can feel so very unreachable?

I finish my breakfast and Duo takes our plates to the sink. While he washes them I go and finish getting ready.

I steel myself for possible contact as I pick up my duffel and prepare to leave. The hug I'm expecting doesn't come though, only a wave and a 'See you when you get back.' I feel hollow and uneasy as I shuffle down the hall to the stairwell.

I don't know when Duo left, but his shadow left ice in his wake. It must've been a while ago during one of those times I wasn't watching.


End file.
